How to Survive Football Season When You’re Not a Fan

I don’t like football.

There, I said it. 

I’m a southern girl, married to a southern boy, and I have absolutely no interest in watching football. Not college, not pro, not even pee-wee.  I just don’t get it… the downs, the flags, the yards, and don’t even get me started on that yellow line that you can only see on TV!  The game is both complicated and boring somehow to me and I just plain DON’T GET IT!  

I am not ashamed of my lack of enthusiasm for the sport, and anyone that knows me is keenly aware of this characteristic of mine.  It could be worse, truly. I could pretend to like the sport (as I suspect many women do), and suffer in silence. Alas, I have chosen to be open with my dislike of America’s favorite pastime.  But since I am in the minority, and I do certainly understand that my football-loving friends and family cannot and will not be swayed, I have learned to cope during this difficult season we have no entered.  If like me, you are not a fan of the pigskin, just know that you are not alone.  And the next time you are forced to watch football, whether live or on TV, employ these tactics that I’ve picked up along the way and you’ll be as entertained as the next person:

• Ogle the players. These men are like gods. No, really! They are athletic machines with bulging biceps and tiny little pants. What’s not to love?

• Admire the cheerleaders. Who said cheerleading isn’t a sport? When I was growing up, cheerleading involved standing on someone’s shoulders (on a good day), but now there are some serious acrobatics involved! These ladies (and gentlemen) are uber-talented and certainly a sight to behold!

• Watch the fans. There is no crazier character than a football fan. Can I get an “Amen?” Let yourself be entertained by the painted faces (and bodies), the drunken cheers, and the ridiculous antics that fill the stadium.  It’s good stuff.
• Follow the fashion. It is especially true down South, but you could mistake a good tailgate for the runway with the way girls, both young and old, dress these days.  I’m talking stiletto heels, strapless dresses, and handbags that cost more than a beach vacation. These ladies are dressed to the nines and just oozing style!  I mean, who needs Fashion Week when you’ve got a good ol’ southern tailgate?
• Enjoy the tailgating. Like I said, I’m a huge fan of the act of tailgating… the food, the camaraderie, the adult beverages. I love them all!  But I’m telling you what, there are some serious pros at this tailgating thing. As in, chandeliers from the tent ceiling, oriental rugs on the ground, flat screen TVs, generators, the whole nine yards.  Even if you go to a football game just to tailgate, it’s enough.

• Wait for the commercials. Everyone knows that some of the best marketing ever created is televised in between game segments. Um, hello? Can anyone say “Superbowl Ads?” I rest my case.

I hope these tips work for you like they have for me. And really, there are only 149 days until the season is over anyway, but who’s counting?