Living with the Inevitable Mom Guilt
I feel guilty. All the time. You may too. You probably experience and live with the inevitable mom guilt all the time.
Mom guilt is the guilt we feel in relation to our kids. Whether you have one kid or ten, we all know of those times we feel guilty about something we did, or did not do with/to them. Thankfully, my mom guilt has decreased as my daughter has gotten older. But it still tends to creep in.
Here are some common scenarios where the mom guilt creeps in:
I am working full-time, so I am not spending enough time with my kid(s).
I am working part-time. Would I would be a better mom if I wasn’t spending so much time with my kid(s) all the time?
I screamed at them. I am a terrible mom.
They are crying. What did I do wrong?
They are sick. I didn’t take them to the doctor the first time they had a fever, and now we find out they had an ear infection. I am awful.
These kids are not behaving well. I am not good enough.
I tried everything to comfort them, but they are still upset. I am a bad mom.
My mom friend is having so much fun with all of her kids all the time. I will never be able to be as fun as her.
I have to feed my baby formula. I can’t breastfeed my baby but everyone tells me that “breast is best.”
My house is a mess. I can’t hold my life together. My child(ren) will end up just like this.
I am too tired but I should be playing with my baby (or child).
I would be a better mom if this wasn’t an unplanned pregnancy.
Are my kids doing well with their new routine?
Mom guilt is completely normal and extremely common. It seems to never go away. But there are positive thoughts we can replace our guilty thoughts with. This has really helped me to be reminded daily that I am a good mom. I am chosen to take care of these specific child(ren) and I am doing the best I can.
Some thoughts I use when the guilt and shame creep in:
I am a good mom.
I am doing the best I can.
I am enough.
I am taking good care of my child(ren).
I can trust my judgement.
I can handle tough situations.
I am allowed to make mistakes.
Mom guilt is still inevitable. But you can affirm yourself daily, and take time for self-care as much as you need it. Just 5 minutes a day can really help you to feel more than just a mom. You have to take care of you first, so that you have to take care of others the rest of the day. A good mental health therapist can also help you work through your mom guilt and your negative thought patterns. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
