Reasons My Threenager is Whining

Everyone always talks about the “Terrible Twos.” We got through the two-year-old stage relatively unscathed at our house, and I felt #blessed. Very #blessed. Then, the day after my son’s third birthday, we learned about “Threenagers.” Our lives were turned completely upside-down, and suddenly we were #cursed with a threenager of our own.

I kid, I kid. No parent is cursed with a child. Children are blessings at every stage. Sometimes they’re “smile and cherish this moment” blessings, and other times they’re “grit your teeth and refrain from banging your head against the wall” blessings. The age of three was just full of the latter kind of blessings for us.

Although we’ve had our fair share of tantrums and total meltdowns over cracks in the sidewalk, the whining is what really gets me. So much whining. Constantly. I never knew a person could whine about someone handing him ice cream, and then my son showed me that it was possible.

In order to document this stage in my son’s life (and as an homage to the website Reasons My Toddler is Crying), I decided to compile a list of reasons my threenager is whining. I shall refer back to this list in 25 years, when my son is whining to me about how much his children whine, and smile the smile that only a mother who has lived through it can understand.

So here we go.

Reasons my threenager is whining:

• He woke up.
• I’m working and not paying enough attention to him.
• I’m trying to be attentive and join in his make-believe superhero game.
• The dog is snoring.
• His dad is snoring.
• I can’t understand what he’s saying.
• I finally understand what he’s saying, but he doesn’t want me to talk to him.
• I told him to stop doing that, because he was going to bust his head open.
• He doesn’t like my tone.

• He did that anyway and busted his head open.
• We ran out of pretzels.
• I gave him chocolate instead of pretzels.
• We ran out of chocolate.
• The dog farted.
• The cat is scared of him.
• My shoes are too big for his feet.
• His dad and I wanted to take a Halloween selfie without him.
• We tried to include him in our Halloween selfie.

• He lost the remote control for the DVR.
• I won’t help him find the remote control for the DVR.
• I finally gave in and tried to help him find the remote control for the DVR.
• I found the remote control for the DVR, instead of him.
• He deleted his favorite episode of My Little Pony from the DVR.
• Someone told him My Little Pony isn’t a manly show. (Thanks, Dad)
• It’s bedtime.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son. And honestly, a solid 60% of the time that he’s awake, he’s adorable and sweet, and not complainy. It’s the 40% whining time that makes me force myself to grin, and repeat to myself that “this too shall pass.” Thank goodness they eventually age out of it and become bearable, right? RIGHT?!