I CAN NOT!

I’m trying real hard not to fall into the cycle of “New Year’s Resolution.” I just CAN NOT deal with the pressure. I see everyone on my Facebook feed committing themselves to some amazing pledges. They have joined accountability groups, enrolled in gym memberships, and have even taken pictures of their successful meal preps. People have taken their before pictures with their intended weightloss goals as caption. On IG I have seen gym selfies and clips of workouts at Planet Fitness.

I just don’t have the energy to do any of that. Yea, I workout and eat like I’m 35, but not with the same gusto as these “resolution-ers.” In the past, I have made New Year’s Resolutions and New Year’s De-Solutions. I have tried Weight Watchers, personal trainers, Keto, Paleo, Mediterranean, protein shakes, intermittent fasting, and much, much more. And with each try, I lost a little weight. And I always found it!!!!

I have the willpower of a toddler in a candy store.

So, Nope! I CAN NOT!

I have been a size 18 for most of my adult life. During my PK (pre-kid) years, I was a size 14. After the first pregnancy, I was a solid size 16. I maintained a size 18 for 3 more births. Three pregnancies and 4 kids later, my stomach looks like a tiger clawed it. I have a mom pooch that can only be removed due to plastic surgery. My leggings, jeans, and tights all bear war-wounds from my thickalicious thighs. When Aunt Flo visits, I have the puffiest muffin top that was ever created. If it wasn’t for a breast reduction 10 years ago by Shell Cosmetic Surgery Center, I’m sure my girls would look like socks with balls in them!!! Whenever I wave at someone, my arm waves too. It’s like my imperfections have a mind of their own.

So, Nope! I CAN NOT!

Sure, I wouldn’t mind losing weight, erasing my stretch marks, have thicker hair. and less cellulite. Sure all of those things would be nice. But I want to love the body I’m in. I want to have some “Lizzo” size confidence. I want to parade in public with a crop top and high-waisted jeans. I want to go swimming in a two-piece without a coverall. This year, I want to love and appreciate the body that has given birth to 4 children. The body that continues to allow me to enjoy 5ks and Zumba class. The body that craves black coffee and German chocolate cake. I want to appreciate this body that can twerk like the girls in music videos. This body that my husband loves to cuddle close to at night. This lap that comforts my kids. And these arms! They are the best huggers this side of the Mississippi. Should I dislike the body that gave me so much?

Nope! I CAN NOT!

I can still touch my toes, dance with my daughter, and race and wrestle with my sons. I may not be in the best of shape, but I’m done with trying to get “in shape.” So first, I’m gonna embrace all this gushy-gushy and enjoy my beer. I will learn to love my stretch marks.

I’m 35 years old and there are some things about me that aren’t going to change much. But the one thing I can change is how I see myself. My kids, nor my husband, have ever called me fat, unfit, out of shape, or lazy. They say that I am fun, caring, sexy, and the best baker ever! Therefore, next, I’m going to embrace all the adjectives that show me in a positive light.

Finally, as a young girl, I remember asking my Grandmother why she went to the grocery store in a moo-moo instead of putting on regular clothes. She looked at me with impatient eyes and said, “The older you get, the less you care about what other people say about you.” So, yea. Now, I know Grandma. Now, I know. I CAN NOT deal with the pressure of a New Year’s Resolution. This is the year of me…ALL of ME!