15 Reasons Mom Deserves a Wineout (also, GIFs!)

There are times in every mom’s day (working mom, stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, single mom, veteran mom…) when she needs a “wineout.” What’s a “wineout?” It’s exactly what it sounds like: a timeout. With wine.

We don’t know if y’all have heard (which would be shocking), but Tennessee has finally decided to allow the sale of wine in grocery stores. Because someone finally realized it was 2016. We also like to think it was because someone finally realized who does the majority of the grocery shopping: MOM.

We think it’s time for a wineout, Mom. Especially if you just tackled the grocery store with your little dictators in tow.

 

Reasons Mom Deserves a Wineout

1. Because threenagers.

When is someone going to make a Pinot Grigio named “threenager?”

 

2. Because it turns out being a mom means you’re a butler, maid, entertainer, mediator, and master chef all at once.

We consider the wine to be a fringe benefit of the job(s).

 

3. Because drugs would be a bit of an overreaction.

Except the occasional Day Quil when the germs finally get you. And then you can’t drink wine. Yuck.

 

4. Because you went to the grocery store. And the cops weren’t called.

Hello, Kroger Wine Section!

 

5. Because you’ve endured the whine all day.

Now you deserve the wine.

 

6. Because it’s nice to have a moment of peace when you feel like an adult. Even if you have applesauce in your hair.

You’re a grownup. For real.

 

7. Because with kids, five minutes of silence comes at a price.

Maybe wait until you have backup before giving yourself a wineout.

 

8. Because wine doesn’t ask questions like “did you shower today?” or “isn’t it only 1:00?”

Wine understands.

 

9. Because some Target trips require something stronger than Starbucks.

Wine at Target! There’s no reason to ever leave Target now!!

 

10. Because Laundry Mountain.

It’s more treacherous than Mount Everest, y’all.

 

11. Because sleep regression.

Go. To. SLEEP!!

 

12. Because it’s healthy? Right?

White wine gets you closer to meeting your daily nutritional needs: 3% magnesium, 3% Vitamin B6, 3% Vitamin B2 and 3% Niacin, 1% Riboflavin along with trace elements of Iron, Calcium, Potassium, Phosphorus and Zinc. FACT. We also read on the internet that red wine before bed helps you lose weight. We’re sticking with that diet.

 

13. Because wine is the only thing that numbs the pain of stepping on a rogue Lego.

Take medicine orally every 5-15 seconds until pain subsides. Repeat as needed.

 

14. Because “nap time” has become a suggestion. Apparently.

The natives are restless.

 

15. Because wiping butts deserves a prize.

No medal or trophy necessary. Just a bottle of Merlot.

 

You deserve a wineout, Mom. Now, go to Kroger and stock up. And you might want to pick up some extra wine glasses while you’re at it. Or styrofoam cups. Whatever it takes.