The Emotional Motherload: Balancing Holiday Expectations

For years, I’ve envisioned taking my kids to a magical “Brunch with Santa” event—the one that sells out in minutes and looks like something straight out of a holiday movie. This year, I was determined to make it happen and had set a mental reminder weeks ago. But this morning, I opened my inbox to the dreaded, “Thank you, we’re sold out” email. Again. Somehow, the holiday season has crept up on us, leaving me asking, “Where did the year go? “The phrase, “The days are long, but the years are short,” couldn’t feel truer, especially as the holiday rush and expectations seem to start earlier and grow bigger each year.

With the holiday season comes a unique kind of emotional load: the countless to-do lists, the coordinating, the behind-the-scenes effort it takes to create memories and uphold traditions. It’s not just about missing one event; it’s the weight of trying to make the season magical while juggling everything else in life. Each year, I feel this load start earlier, building up before I’ve even had a chance to catch my breath.

As both a mom and a therapist, I’d like to share some strategies I use to manage the holiday emotional load in hopes it will help lighten yours too.

1. Recognize the Emotional Load

Sometimes I just want to scream into the void over the endless juggling of matching pajamas, holiday cards, gifts, and family meals—planning, ordering, prepping, repeat. I sometimes wonder if my family thinks some magical fairy (or maybe Santa) handles all of this, because every year, it somehow gets done. And who does it? MOM. I can’t help but feel the weight of holiday resentment creeping in. What’s that all about? It’s the emotional load—and it can be so heavy if you don’t keep it in check.

The “emotional load” is the often-invisible mental and emotional labor that moms take on to keep the holidays running smoothly. While physical tasks can be shared, the mental work—like remembering preferences, managing budgets, planning meals, and coordinating schedules—often falls on us. Understanding this load and recognizing its impact can help moms feel validated and encourage them to seek support when needed.

2. Set Priorities and Simplify

Start by listing all the tasks you feel need to be done for the holidays, then narrow it down to what truly matters. Struggling with trying to figure out what truly matters? Reflect on your values and narrow them down to your top three. This can help you focus on what truly matters and make it easier to prioritize the things that are most important. Prioritize activities that bring joy and connection, and consider letting go of things that feel more like obligations than choices.

3. Share the Load

Bring the family into holiday planning. Ask each person to share what’s most meaningful to them, so you can focus on the activities everyone values instead of spreading yourself too thin. Don’t hesitate to ask for help—assign specific roles, like asking your partner to handle certain shopping tasks or letting your kids help with age-appropriate chores. Last year, I let my kids wrap gifts, and while they weren’t “perfect,” they were meaningful and memorable to everyone involved.

4. Set Boundaries with Extended Family

Whew, this is a big one. If family expectations feel overwhelming, communicate openly about what’s realistic for your family. For instance, if traveling to multiple gatherings is too much, consider setting a boundary around the number of events you’ll attend. My husband and I decided long ago to spend Christmas Day at home while our kids are little, but we still make time to visit family after the holiday if possible.

5. Make Self-Care a Priority

Set aside time for your own self-care and treat it as a non-negotiable part of the holiday season. Whether it’s taking 15 minutes to read, going for a walk, or enjoying a hobby, these moments can help you recharge. Simple habits, like staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and moving your body, can go a long way in keeping your energy and emotional resilience high.

6. Simplify Gift-Giving

Gift-giving can bring joy, but it’s often a major source of stress, too. Simplify by focusing on a few thoughtful gifts rather than feeling pressured to go overboard. Homemade gifts are also a wonderful option—my kids really enjoy making handprint ornaments, which are always a big hit with family and are easy on the wallet.

7. Reclaim and Reframe Traditions

If a tradition feels more stressful than enjoyable, consider modifying it or creating something new. A few years ago, we started having Italian food for Christmas instead of a traditional meal, and it’s now one of our favorite traditions. Simple, low-stress traditions like a family movie night or reading holiday books together can be just as meaningful.

8. Plan Ahead and Spread Out Tasks

Spread holiday tasks over several weeks instead of cramming everything into the last minute. Setting small goals, like buying one or two gifts each week, makes the workload feel more manageable. During the holiday season, I take full advantage of online shopping, having gifts delivered straight to my doorstep. This saves me from wasting time in stores and helps me avoid the chaos of holiday traffic, which can make my head spin on even the calmest days..

9. Give Yourself Permission to Take Shortcuts

It’s perfectly fine to take shortcuts where you can. If it helps, buy pre-wrapped gifts, order meal delivery, or skip elaborate holiday cards. The goal is to enjoy the season, not stress over perfection. Even though the perfectly curated holiday aesthetic can be tempting, your kids will remember how the holidays made them feel—and whether their momma was happy, relaxed, and truly present.

These tips are here to help you focus on what really matters, set boundaries, and give yourself grace. Prioritizing your own well-being can make the holidays feel less overwhelming and more joyful for everyone involved.

Wishing you a holiday season that’s meaningful, authentic and filled with love!