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DOOM SHOPPING: 7 Impulse Purchases to Squash 7 Bad Feelings

ByYasmin

If you’re an adult living in the United States, chances are you’ve noticed that a lot has happened around here over the last 12 months. It’s possible that you have tiptoed through relatively unscathed. Maybe you’ve mastered a new skill, maybe your business has surpassed a stretch goal, maybe you PR’ed on Romanian deadlifts. Go you! But regardless of which echo chamber subcategory you’re in – and let’s be honest, if you’re on social media, the algorithms have ensured you’re surrounded by your own social/political/religious/cultural views – you’ve probably found yourself compulsively scrolling through your feed with increasing feelings of: anguish? Doom? Despair? Sorrow? Yeah, can’t seem to hide from those.

But, you happen to be a mom in these unprecedented times, during which you’re still kinda expected to handle all your precedented responsibilities, and then some. Either way, YOU. DON’T. HAVE. TIME. to feel all these inconvenient, complicated, ominous feelings.

May I suggest that the quickest way to Keep Calm and Carry On is to bury those feelings under an impressive pile of impulse purchases? Tiny, measured doses of dopamine administered throughout your week via shopping that will pause your Doomscrolling and not require a telehealth zoom appointment with your therapist.

So, here are the thoughts that stirred up some Bad Feelings, and the corresponding things I bought that sparked enough temporary joy to make it through another day.

…
THOUGHT while tossing a couple dozen reusable masks into the laundry: This once-in-a-lifetime global pandemic started with a shrug, escalated with geopolitical mud-slinging, and ultimately resulted in finding out humans do NOT avoid things like the plague.
Grandma glasses chains from Anthro​ that totally work with masks.
Grandma glasses chains from Anthro​ that totally work with masks.

THOUGHT while standing in the shower trying to use up an extra 10 minutes of interminable lockdown days: Did I really slur on about nipple sizes at that cocktail party seven years ago? Why didn’t anyone stop me? Should I even consider them friends anymore?

Two macaron and a cortado​.​
Two macaron and a cortado​.​
THOUGHT after a few minutes of scrolling the news: Is our democracy collapsing and taking American Exceptionalism down with it?
Philip Ashley dark unicorn popcorn​
​Two bags of Philip Ashley dark unicorn popcorn​ – it has pecans!​
​THOUGHT while having my fifth brain-tickling, eye-watering COVID test so I can safely share space with non-household members: Have I w​asted ​my ​privilege​?
Leggings

Knockoff ​L​ululemon ​leggings.
Warning, while the leggings are fantastic, putting them on will inevitably lead straight to the THOUGHT:​ Wow, there’s no way these were made ethically for $24. Capitalism​ is killing the planet.​
Bamboo face pads

Bamboo face pads​. Yay, 7 less pieces of waste in my bathroom trash bin.​

THOUGHT while watching my Gardenias die a sudden frozen death in a freak snowstorm: ​Is there an afterlife​, or are we not handling the fact that we’re all currently dying?​

iPhone case

Sparkly iPhone case​–with a finger loop!​

THOUGHT while tossing last week’s wilted bag of spinach to make space for this week’s fresh bag of spinach: Institutional racism​ won’t be resolved in my lifetime.​

Two hand​-​painted ​postcards
Two hand​-​painted ​postcards that I’m totally going to frame…at some point…in the next 3 years.​

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on the internet. If you are suffering, you are not alone and please reach out for real help from another human. Obviously, many of the world’s ills cannot be fixed with tchotchkes and carbs. That said, if that’s something that gets you through your week then come on over, you can sit with me.

 

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