Crazy Like Sunday Morning: 10 Things That Will Happen Before Church

One way or another, we are given these tiny little people and pray, by the grace of God, we can raise them to be decent human beings.  On the really overachiever days we hope they might actually be productive members of society, too.  Every day I lean on my faith to help me figure out how to do this parenting thing and meet these goals.  Faith is something I want my kids to grow on their own and always keep with them.  I like to consider it an insurance policy for all of us when the teenage years come along.  But let me tell you, it’s easier said than done!  Outside of behavior influence, the biggest step is getting them inside a church building to worship and learn.  Again, easier said than done!

Have you ever tried to get a little person out the door on a Sunday morning?  Add yourself.  Add a partner.  Add another kid.  Add one more kid that is practically the same age.  It’s nearly impossible, y’all.

If you are like me and just trying to get these kids to church and teach them to love some God, this standing ovation is for you.  The next time all chaos breaks loose at 8:57 am and you have to be out the door by 9:00 am and only two people are half dressed, remember most of us are right there with you in spirit.  Cheering you on.  And probably going through something similar.

Here are the 10 Things That Will Happen on Sunday Morning:

1. At least one member of the family will be missing items of clothing.  Even if they were all painstakingly laid out, ironed and matched the night before.  The snarky little elves come out on Saturday night to steal belts, shoes, bloomers, you name it!
2. A random PERMANENT marker will be found.  And found by the last person in the family you would want to find a PERMANENT marker.
3. There will be an incident with bodily fluid.  Or something that comes out of a body.  No need to elaborate.
4. Someone will have a meltdown about their clothes.  If by chance the elves didn’t take their wardrobe, they will then hate it.  It will ruin their life to wear the clothes and bow they were excited to pick out the night before.
5. Someone will get lost.  It might be a parent hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes longer than technically required because currently no one has realized they are actually in the bathroom.  It might be a kid who doesn’t want to wear the clothes that will now ruin their life.  Either way, someone’s going MIA.
6. Their will be a brawl.  Like a World War II, re-visitation of D-Day brawl.  One or more parents will need to tend to this matter.  Repeatedly.  Because no one will just. Let it. Go.
7. You will pack bags of diapers, clothes, cups and snacks.  You will put them “up” so no one can get to them.  Someone will get to them.  They will eat the snacks.  They will get the snacks on their clothes.  You will change their clothes and re-pack bags.
8. Everyone is finally dressed.  You own about 10 Bibles, at least.  ALL the Bibles will now have their turn to go MIA.  Again, maybe the elves?
9. Now it’s time to get in the vehicle, but someone will be MIA…again.  Perhaps still protesting the life-ruining dress and bow?  Perhaps legitimately in the bathroom?  Perhaps they were unknowingly locked in the attic by a little person?  Either way, send for help.
10. Now it’s time for the drive.  THE. DRIVE.  This one is a wild card.  It will either be a painstakingly quiet drive with everyone giving/receiving the quiet treatment, or everyone will be loud.  Like singing the most annoying song Barney writers could have ever conceptualized at the top of their tiny little lungs loud.  And the final option, all the little people fall asleep.  This is the worst option.  Don’t be fooled by the blissful silence of their sleep on the drive, because when you arrive to church…you then have to take snarling, woken up little people into a place that should be a sanctuary full of praise.  You know, except for your kid screaming.

In the end, going to church and worshiping has a way of making all of this better.  For my family at least, I am reminded all of the chaos was for the purpose of focusing on something else.  Something bigger.  Something that will help me raise my children.  Something that will hopefully influence my children to have a strong faith, become good humans, and maybe make this world a little bit better place.