Let's Talk About It :: Sex After Baby

Let’s get real, honest, and open and talk about sex with your spouse or partner after baby comes. Sex after baby seems to be one of those motherhood subjects that no one (not even your OB/GYN) warns you about. No one warns you about the crazy mood swings, hair loss, and night sweats that come along after baby is born, and no one warns you that the sex life that you previously knew, loved and enjoyed with your partner is going to change. I think this subject is something we should absolutely be talking about, though. I know that all relationships go through ups and downs and that the average couple has sex 2.5 times per week (speaking of, who and where are these people? What couple gets half way through and just stops?!). However, I think that a good sex life is a vital part of a good relationship. Even when we are beat down tired from life, work, and children, sex with my husband leaves me feeling connected to him. It is a time for us to be lovers and not just the people who whoosh by each other while chasing our children. That connection fosters a good relationship. Sex is important. Plain and simple.

What is sex after a baby really like? Just ask some veteran moms, and you’ll get some pretty honest answers, along with some pretty great advice…

“It’s okay to wait and not want to have sex for awhile. Don’t feel pressured by any sort of timeline given to you by your doctor or your partner.” – Susan C.
“Definitely lube. And fast is fine, too. No one has time for marathon sex post-baby!” – Sarah B.
“Sex can hurt just as much after a c-section as it does after a vaginal birth. “ – Jamie Q.
“Don’t keep score or keep track of how often you have sex after baby.” – Michele F.
“It might take longer than usual for your vagina to feel normal again. You will have a new normal. Sometimes that sucks, sometimes that doesn’t.” – Jamie C.
If you’re breastfeeding be prepared that you might be weird about your breasts as sexual objects again. My husband didn’t care, but it seemed creepy to me, like they were just for feeding.” – Colleen Z.
“Communicate, communicate, communicate! The key to a good marriage and sex life is communication. If you aren’t feeling as in the mood as you once were because you are not loving your engorged breasts and post-partum tummy tell your partner and figure out something to make you feel sexy, together!” – Adrianne B.
“It might not be that awful! The first time I had sex post baby it was actually better and more intense than before!” – Liz W.
“Schedule it. Seriously. Having a new baby (even if it’s your second, third, or fourth…) takes a serious chunk of time. Add in a job, the dog, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc, and before you know it another week has passed and there’s been no sex. Put it on the calendar, even if it’s just a quick “sexy time tonight after the kids are in bed?” on the way out the door in morning, and stick with it like it’s any other commitment on your calendar!” – April M.
“You might surprise yourself. Our sex life has been better than ever, even after the birth of our second child!” – Katie K.
“Don’t keep up with the Joneses. Don’t compare your sex life or marriage to anyone else’s. Remember that you’re probably getting the highlight reel and not the whole story.” – Becca H.

So there you have it! Just remember that just as all people are different all relationships and marriages are different, and what applies to one couple might not apply to another.