I Feel Like a Good Mom When...

Most of us desire to be “good” moms. Duh. That’s why we’re in this space. However, most of us also have moments (or seasons, if we’re being honest) when we don’t feel like “good” moms. But what does it really mean to be a “good” mom anyway?

I moonlight as a writing instructor, and one thing I encourage my students to do is to use concrete, specific examples. “Good” is such an abstract term that could mean so many things to so many people. Therefore, I conducted a very unscientific study by asking my social media mom friends to finish this statement: “I feel like a good mom when…”

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but the comments I received were above and beyond any expectations I could have had! Thanks to such insightful, thoughtful responses, I found myself inspired and uplifted, so I would like to share them with you with hopes you’ll feel the same way.

The following anonymous comments have been copied from my Facebook feed with editing only for conciseness and clarity:

In the areas of preparation, intuition, and connection, I feel like a good mom when…

…I get my kid to school on time.
…I manage to get all the food groups on the table.
…I took my son to the ENT because I thought something might be wrong with his ear. Although the signs were very subtle and he had never actually complained about it, it turned out that I was right! When he immediately observed that he could hear better after a briefly unsettling procedure, I was so thankful and proud of him and felt like a good mom.
…I know the names of my kids’ friends/classmates and remember the daily dramas of their lives.
…one of my kids is randomly bleeding on an outing, and I have a bandaid in my bag.

In the areas of comfort and safety, I feel like a good mom when…

…my kids tell me something that they think or feel that I wouldn’t have felt comfortable telling my (dear, dear) parents when I was a kid.
…I’m able to apologize sincerely to my kiddos, which is easier said than done.
…my kids fall apart with me because they know I’m a safe place.
…my kids give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and tell me they love me before bed and before they leave for school.
….our adult kids want to spend time with us (their parents), and they give genuine hugs when we visit them.
…my daughter expresses her concerns openly to me.
…my (teen) kiddos offer me hugs out of the blue. If they aren’t heading out the door, thanking me for something, or asking for something, and they want to hug me, I feel like I must be doing something right. It is the best feeling!
…my kids tell me about the hard stuff.
…my kids’ teachers see all the great things I see about my kids and not most of the unpleasant things I see in my kids. That tells me they reserve the unpleasant stuff for home while mostly putting positivity out into the world.
…my preteen and teenager can both talk to me about any situation and know that I am here. They can tell me they feel like they made a mistake knowing I will support them in learning and growing from the mistake and not letting a singular moment in time ever define them.
…my teen daughter woke me up and asked if we could pick up her friend who had a couple drinks and needed a ride home. I’m glad I’m the safe person to confide in and ask for help.
…my kid can be honest with me about what he is thinking and feeling, especially when he can explain his own reasoning for his choices, take accountability, and have a desire to be understood.
…my preteen daughter tells me how thankful she is that I’m her mom and that she can always talk to me about things.
…my pre-teen still likes hanging out with me and wants to tell me about her day at school and about the boy at school who is “sweet.”

In the area of external affirmation, I feel like a good mom when…

…someone tells me how amazing they are.
…another parent tells me how nice and polite my children are.
…I ask other kids in the community who are my kids’ age/grade if my kids are nice to them and others, I only ever hear, “Oh yeah, they are so nice!” I tell my kids I have spies everywhere, but I never need them because my kids are usually being kind and doing the right thing!
…my kid says, “You’re the best mom ever!”

In the areas of family values and relationship, I feel like a good mom when…

…we have a homemade meal with the whole family at the table and discuss our days and our lives. With busy older kid activities, I feel like what used to be the norm is now a rare sacred time and space, and I treasure it when it happens.
…I share the challenging times God has helped me and encourage them to trust Him with every aspect of their lives.
…we put our son to bed and he does the same routine on his lovey demonstrating how we tuck him in and kiss him on the cheek.
…our adult kids call for their favorite recipes to make for the people they care for or for advice about an area of life they’re uncertain about.
…our son stops to admire nature or be in awe of a sunset. It makes me feel like he’s learning to see beauty all around him.
…I am still looking out for my adult kids and finding ways to connect from a distance while still allowing them to find their way.
…my kids are using their best manners without being prompted and also when they are being kind and thoughtful, especially towards animals.

In the area of independence, I feel like a good mom when…

…my children have all brushed their teeth without being asked.
…I see our adult son taking the time to be a great husband to his wife and a great father to his child.
…our fully adult (on their own) and/or college aged adult children take the initiative to budget their money and think through their needs and wants.
…I watch my daughter speak up about issues that matter to her.
…they stand up and say something when friends or grownups do something that makes them uncomfortable or they know is wrong.
…my kids try a new thing, or enter a new place, or interact with a new person— with confidence, security, and pride. I feel like a good mom when my kids say that they don’t need me.
…my kids can use their words to express big emotions- especially to adults!
…my kids work hard for something and then are subsequently proud of themselves at the outcome.
…my girls are being kind and when I see them doing their best work in school or sports.
…my three and half year-old is receptive to sharing with others.
…my son asks for things he wants or needs politely instead of demanding.
…I see my child interacting with others, displaying kindness and compassion, or acting with integrity even when he thinks no one is watching