Ways to Support a Mom Going through Breast Cancer

It’s no secret that breast cancer affects the entire family, not just the patient. Navigating such a huge health issue as a mom is challenging enough, and it also brings an especially horrible form of mom guilt. Motherhood today has enough of that already, before you add in terrible side effects, fatigue, immune suppression, and surgery recovery. With all of these extra obstacles to being the mom you want to be, it’s so easy to feel like your disease is punishing your kids. 

So let’s support these mamas. Here’s a few specific ways we can help hold these families up:

Feed the Family

• Drop off easy to grab kid snacks like applesauce pouches, crackers, and cut up fruit
• Organize everyone to chip in for a meal delivery gift card
• Offer to bring a home cooked meal or to pick up takeout
• Offer to set up a meal train. Even if you don’t feel like you’re the right person to organize it, this is an easy way to help, and I’ve been surprised how many times people have taken me up on it. You might think her close friends are already doing this, but they might be helping in other ways. It’s definitely worth offering!

Love on the Kids

• If the kids go to the same school as yours, add them to your school pickup routine if you can – a few days or all! Between fatigue and often not being in the mood for small talk, school pickup was one of the most difficult “mom jobs” for me during treatment. 
• Bring the kids along on a fun activity. If you’re heading to the playground or zoo on a Saturday morning, text and see if you can bring her kids along!
• Drop off an independent play activity like coloring supplies, a sensory bin, or even a box of hand me down toys or costumes. This can take the entertaining pressure off mom, and make playing with her kids during recovery much more enjoyable. 

Love on the Mom

• Don’t stop inviting her. Even if she never shows up to your monthly book club or weekly mahjong, don’t stop inviting her. 
• Spend time together during breast cancer treatment. Ask if you can go to chemo or radiation with her. Ask if you can come over with smoothies and watch trash TV with her while she recovers from surgery. 
• Spend NON-treatment time together, too. Sometimes it can feel like your life revolves around breast cancer, so ask if she wants to take an art class with you, go on a walk on the greenline, or get dinner and a movie.

Gift Ideas for Each Phase of Breast Cancer Treatment

• Chemo: ginger chews, Queasy Drops, hand cream, silk pillowcase
• Surgery: folding bed table, Audible gift card, robe with drain holders, seatbelt pillow
• Radiation: calendula salve, pure aloe, loose bamboo top or pjs, your favorite book

My Rule of Thumb

The only thing NOT to say is, “Let me know if you need anything!” It’s hard enough to accept help when it’s offered, and impossible when you have to reach out and ask. I always like to offer a SPECIFIC this or that, instead of a yes or no question. 

For example:

“I want to help with the kids this weekend. Can they come home with us after school for a few hours on Friday afternoon, or can I pick them up Saturday morning when we head to the botanic garden? I can drop them off after we eat so they’ll be fed too!”

OR

“I know you have surgery coming up next week. What’s more helpful: keeping the kids that day or dropping off dinner that night? Or both!”

OR 

“I want to support you while you’re going through radiation. Tell me which of this would be better for you: dropping off a basket of kid snacks and activities, sending an UberEats gift card, or bringing bread and tomato soup on Thursday?”

I hope this list helped you come up with a few ideas to help a friend. I know the first reaction to tragedy or hardship is, “I just don’t know what to say.” Don’t worry- I’m the same way. So instead of putting pressure on yourself to SAY the right thing, put your energy into DOING something. Trust me, it makes a difference when you’re going through the trenches. 

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