Five Things to Talk to Your Middle School Kid About
Middle school is the worst.
They have elementary brains in rapidly changing bodies, and they are expected to act like the {almost} teenagers they supposedly, technically are.
My middle son is starting 8th grade, finally the last year of middle school, and here are five things to talk to your middle schooler about BEFORE school gets tough:
- Get them to figure out how to utilize in-school time effectively. Does their teacher ever give them time at the end of class? They need to be doing homework. Do they have a study hall built into their schedule? Coach them on how to use that block most effectively. You would think this kind of thing would be intuitive, but it’s not. Figure out what assignments they have every week (vocabulary, for example) and get them to do that during study hall. My son’s school has a “homework document” that lists all the homework assignments for the week for each class. We learned early on to just have it open on a tab on his Chrome book at all times. And we showed him how to look at the WHOLE week, not just today’s assignments. Taking some time at the beginning of the year to talk about this will go such a long way.
- Talk to your child about how and when they do their best thinking. Are they sharpest in the morning? Do they get a second wind after soccer practice? Do they work best when they’re listening to music or do they need complete silence? Do they work best in the kitchen, in the middle of the chaos, or on their own in the stillness of their bedroom? Exploring this can totally help when practice plus homework plus tests plus life gets busy!
- Talk to your child BEFORE IT HAPPENS about what to do when they don’t know or understand something. Take it from me, this is super important. Talk to them about how teachers are there to help them. And as soon as they don’t understand something, they need to talk to an adult about it, even you! They need to learn not to wait until they fail something to speak up.
- Talk to them about stress. And what that feels like. And what to do about it. Have a plan on what to do when they get stressed, and they will get stressed. Here are some ways to help. Create a Friday ritual: pizza and movie night for the win. Show them how to self talk: “I know middle school can be weird and uncomfortable sometimes, but I can do it!” Put something big on the calendar for them to look forward to: a trip, a birthday, visit from family, etc. Little things go a long way for a stressed middle schooler.
- Talk to your student about what they hope to improve this year. Do they struggle with keeping up with homework? What’s the plan for that? Do they have a sports goal? Do they want a specific role in the school play? Help them visualize it. Help them prepare. Check in on how things are going.
Middle school is the great in-between. They don’t need as much hand holding as they did in elementary school, but they’re not as independent as they will be in high school. They still want to hang out with you, but they’ll grumble about it most of the time while secretly loving it. Middle schoolers are ready for more complex conversations. Instead of just saying, “Stay organized. Do your homework. Pay attention in class,” use curiosity to have conversations. Leading questions and conversations about their brains goes farther than just commands.
Middle school can be tricky and confusing. But it can also be great. It’s fun to watch your child growing into the adult version of themselves. And that really gets its start in middle school.
