Wobbling Phase: Choose Connection over Correction
She has her helmet on and her blond hair is peeking out beneath it. She’s smiling nervously with a couple teeth missing and a few new ones growing in. Her training wheels just came off, she’s wobbling on her two-wheel bike, and she looks as “big girl” as I’ve ever seen her!
She’s 6 years old and lately it seems like she’s been laser focused on pushing all my buttons! She is so strong and capable…BUT still finds a reason to cry on the floor at least once a day and constantly seems to need all my attention! Every single day she asks me what we are having for dinner and after I tell her, she responds, “No! I hate that!” even though she’s the most likely kid in the house to clean her plate no matter what is on it!
Today I was venting to a couple friends and explaining that it feels like she’s been going through an intense behavioral regression. I was exasperated as I explained the level of ignoring I’ve tried, the rewards and time outs I’ve tried, the reminders, the proximal praise… until I said, “I’ve tried everything!” And it suddenly dawned on me that I had not tried everything! In fact, I had not tried the thing that all her behavior is begging me for: 1 on 1 time.
February started off with a lot of family time because of the snow and ice storm. We created many special family memories but we have not been able to prioritize 1:1 time with just her and me lately. So, after she and I both misbehaved this morning, I picked her up from school and asked if she wanted to go out with me to practice riding her bike.
As I lifted her bike out of the trunk, a flood of recent developmental shifts and milestones washed over me. As I watched her wobble, fall, and talk herself into trying again, something clicked. Just in the last couple of months, my little ladybug has:
- Learned to tie her own shoes
- Started reading early chapter books
- Learned to roller skate
- Courageously performed in a piano recital
- Started coordinating her own playdates
- Climbed to the top of the Bean Stalk at High Point Climbing Gym
- Lost 5 teeth
- Started waking up to an alarm and getting herself dressed and ready for the day
- AND SO MUCH MORE!
She is learning so much about herself and her world every day! It’s thrilling – and exhausting – for all of us, just like when she was a toddler! Her little body and brain are growing at such a rapid pace right now that it’s hard to track all the mini-changes happening!
When a toddler has a new developmental leap, we all understand that a sleep regression might happen. Or we might notice a language burst from a 2-3 year old while a physical milestone might be lagging – or vice versa. Today was a great reminder for me that she is hitting so many milestones this year, so she needs time to wobble and fall as she finds her balance.
Today was her first day to ever ride a two-wheeler on her own, and I’m so thankful that I asked if she wanted to go practice with me! I think discipline has an important role in development, but today was a great reminder that when I’m feeling too much like a disciplinarian, I need to take a break and be a cheerleader. She came home a little scraped up, but her bruises paled in comparison to how brightly we both glowed with pride!
For now, I’m calling this whole, hard stage of biggish kid leaps and regressions the “wobbling phase.” She’s wobbling into a new era of independence, into bigger feelings and big kid skills. She’s wobbling into the young person she’s meant to be.
In the same way she needs my calm encouragement as she builds her own confidence as a bike rider, she needs me to hold steady as she wobbles through this growth phase too. She needs me close enough to catch her if she leans too far in the wrong direction.
Growing pains are real! Developmental progress is not always a linear process; it can often be wobbly! I’m thankful for the reminder that sometimes kids (and moms) find their balance a lot faster through connection, not correction.
