Are playdates for moms a real thing? I didn’t think that when I became an adult and mom I would still have to ask permission to hang out with my friends. Then, when I did get permission to hang with them, who knew we would have to coordinate our schedules so far in advance to spend a few hours together?
Making friends as an adult isn’t easy. You need relationships that fit into your lifestyle. Also, genuine friendships. Then when you add your family dynamic to the mix, it becomes hard to prioritize.
When you’re single, you can come and go as you please. You can stay out all night, go on spur-of-the-moment trips, and run last minute to the cute nightspot that just opened. Freedom! And that’s expected. You’re not responsible or committed to another individual, so life requires less juggling.
When you get married and have children, things change. When you marry, you should “ask” your spouse if you can go out with your friends. For clarification, you should coordinate with them to ensure they don’t have anything planned simultaneously and just out of consideration, right?
You may need to ask permission for a playdate in some marriages, but that’s another blog for another day.
And when you add children to the mix, you find out what type of spouse you have:
- Do you have a babysitting spouse who will only give you a few hours of free time before you have to be on your way home?
- Do you have a spouse that refuses to watch the kids because that’s your job, not theirs?
- Do you have a spouse who doesn’t mind staying home with the kids because you deserve a life?
- Do you have a variation of the three?
Your spouse type determines how hard it will be for you to get to that playdate. Can you afford a babysitter? Do you have relatives nearby willing to help? So many underlying factors to consider just to have a playdate with your friends.
Do your plans work with your children’s schedules? Some days, I spend more time getting my kids from one activity or appointment to another than at home (excluding my sleeping hours). And the more kids you have, the more hectic the scheduling. This is why good friendships are essential.
Do I have the energy to hang out with my friends and have a life outside my family? Should scheduling playdates be this hard?
You’ve cleared the outing with your spouse and the kids; now, your playdate buddies must do the same on their end. When my group gets together, we throw about three or four dates out a month in advance, and we STILL have to reschedule about half of the time.
I have one friend that I’ve been trying to get together with for months, and we’ve canceled three time already.
So with this massive focus on me-time and self-care, when do we have time to do what we want to do really? The fun stuff. Hanging out with our friends, going on a shopping trip that doesn’t include groceries, going bowling, etc.
Who’s to blame for this struggle?
Is the past to blame? Women were once the home keepers and tended only to the house and the children. Women, over time, became entrepreneurs and full-time employees. Still, our roles in the home and our relationships haven’t evolved much. We’re still stuck as being the home keepers.
There’s nothing wrong with scheduling time for yourself. I have to put it on our shared family calendar in order to make it happen. That way, my husband knows my plans and can make his plans around them and vice versa. We sit down at the beginning of the week and talk it all out. We discuss what we want to do, what the kids have planned, and how we can coordinate everything to ensure we have home coverage and meals planned.
I have a great group of friends that I enjoy spending time with. Even if we have to bring the kids along. Or our spouses.
Now we need to touch on husband playdates, but again, another blog for another day.