Dating after Divorce
When I decided it was time to get back to dating after my divorce, I knew I wanted two things: I wanted to be a whole woman and I wanted what I wanted. I made a list. I knew what I wasn’t putting up with.
I had been there for the games, headaches, and stress of being in a long term relationship. I was in a marriage for 10 years, for goodness sake; 10 years, 5 kids, a lot of heartache, and even more tears. Yet here I am, starting over.
I took 6 months for me. Just to have fun. Let me hair down and be free. Center and reconnect with myself. In no way am I saying divorce is fun. I felt, and many days still feel, like I failed due to having a failed marriage.
I wanted a man that would pay attention to the little details, one that could offer me all the things that money couldn’t buy me. Being young, divorced, wealthy, and having 5 kids, I truly made a story up in my mind that nobody of good quality would want me. I wasn’t a girl that random men just hit on at the grocery store or gas station. I don’t go out to eat much and never go out on the night scene. So I knew if social media wasn’t going to bring me the guy of my dreams that I would have to put myself out there for online dating.
While on my dating pause, I took time to pay off some debt, get in my best shape (I actually lost 30 lbs in a year), get my businesses in line, and more importantly, love me again. My kids had seen so much of the back of my head or my face in a phone due to me trying to escape the reality of the fact I hated my life so much that I wanted to reconnect with them. Deeper.
I didn’t include them in the dating life up front. They would see me FaceTime a guy here and there but nothing heavy. I’m not one of those people that think kids shouldn’t see you dating. Should you bring home every single guy you meant? No. But if I am open to date 3 or 4, I usually let them come pick me up on the 4th date. I don’t usually share now many kids I have until then so it’s perfect on both sides.
A lot of people don’t agree with me on this, but I knew I wanted my kids to see what a gentleman is like, and also that I didn’t just show up with the “first guy” I saw. But let’s be honest here, kids have no concept of time so for me to bring someone home and be “in love” and it’s the first person that have seen me with since their father wasn’t sitting well in my spirit. SO I dated and showed it to them. I also want to know how my kids vibe with a person before becoming attached to them. Maybe it’s the millennial way of doing things, but I wanted them involved in the process. They told me who they liked and who they didn’t, and I didn’t have to worry about how they would adjust because I have been dating this guy for 7 months, now we are in love, but my kids hate him.
Because I’m so heavily involved on social media, I also made it a point to not share who I was dating online, even though I met them online. Weird but that was a rule. I interviewed each guy before going on the date. We had to have 10 phone calls or FaceTimes before I agreed to a first date. I wanted to make sure I’d vibe with them before investing into getting a sitter and getting cute. I know it was a hard rule, but it definitely help weed out who was here for me and who was here for what they thought they could get.
I made my list so I knew what I was looking for. I wasn’t settling for a “good” man this time. I want a great man. Best tip I can give is be yourself and completely open. I matched with guys I never would have dreamed I would give the time of day. Sometimes what we need isn’t on the list, so listen to your gut. Let him be a gentle and open doors and pay. Being in my feminine energy ran off a lot of the hits that weren’t ready for a Queen, and for that Im grateful.
