Our Daughter's "Victory Lap" : 1st Grade ... Round Two.

One of the harder decisions we’ve made as parents came during our daughter’s 1st Grade year. Though her test scores weren’t absolutely terrible, she showed signs of struggling with math and reading.

It was our choice: she could proceed into 2nd Grade or we could repeat 1st Grade. My first thoughts, weren’t really my best thoughts. I cried, concerned that she would lose the friends she’d made and fall behind. Maybe she’d even be teased. Truthfully, all of my concerns were social anxieties. Which are still very real, but also not a great priority in comparison with her needs. And in a way, my concerns were maybe selfish.

Its very hard as a parent to separate yourself from your child. To remember that they are not, in fact, a reflection of you, or even how good a parent you are. They are their own person.

When you have a baby this isn’t as true. The separation and differentiation comes with time. And like many moms, I probably let go a little too slowly at each stage. Especially with my first baby (not my first child, but she was my first full baby experience).

We had time to think over this decision. And to see how her progress unfolded. But we knew pretty much right away. Our daughter has always moved at her own speed. Every time I’ve worried over milestones that she’s not hit, she surprises me and knocks it out of the park. She just does it when SHE is ready, not when anyone else is. With time, I’ve learned to trust in her timing, but in the moment, with a new hurdle, it is always hard to remember.

The teachers and school support we worked with through this decision were unbelievably helpful during this time. They truly saw the full person in our daughter. And loved her better than I ever could have imagined. During this time she was nominated by her teacher as a Terrific Kid. The qualities are thoughtfulness, enthusiasm, respect, responsibility, inclusivity, friendliness, inquisitiveness, and capability.

Her math and reading might not have beeen quite up to 2nd Grade speed. But as a person, she was knocking it out of the park. And remembering this brought me a lot of peace. School skills are absolutely important. But being a good human, having a true heart, that means everything to me. She might have faltered a little with school, but NOT in life. She’s probably the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, because she’s off the charts on heart and courage. Initially she appears to miss the mark, but in reality she’s far more intelligent and perceptive than a test might reveal.

As we braced to make this big decision, one that I worried I’d get right for her, the simple words of our teachers and school kept coming back to me. “There are many parents that regret not doing this for their child, there are none that regret doing it.”

Because once you’re behind it’s far harder to catch up, fighting against self-doubt. Many times it takes some little wins to become bold enough to try harder. And the worst case scenario of repeating 1st Grade was being ahead of her class. The worst case of not being ready for 2nd Grade was so much bigger.

So we decided go for a “Victory Lap” in 1st Grade. We’ve called it this then and ever since. And sure enough, it was. She’s testing far above her grade level now and doing wonderfully with friends. We find her buried in a book regularly, carrying stacks around the house. And she tells everyone how much she loves math.