Have you ever, in the midst of Momming, looked over at the father of your offspring and thought to yourself, "why in God's name do you never have to deal with this crap?!" It's simple: it's because he's Dad. Dads don't ever have to deal with this crap. And it's just. Not. Fair.
There is an infinitely long list of the stupid crap dads don't have to deal with, and there's no way we could possibly list them all, but let's just tackle a few of the most annoying things, shall we?
1. The disappointed church lady looks when your kid gets dropped off 120 seconds late for school.
2. That up-down look you get from that cocky 20-something who doesn't even have kids but, oh, she knows how you should be raising yours.
And you're doing it all wrong.
3. Prenatal mood swings. And postpartum mood swings. And just regular everyday mood swings, because for some reason having kids has completely ruined our bodies' ability to feel things without taking it to the extreme.
4. #Mompreneur "friends" trying to sell you their weightloss/wellness crap. And no, I don't want to join your team. I don't care how uplifting it is or how financially independent it promises to make me.
4B. Since we're on the subject of #Mompreneurs: That disappointment you feel when you realize that popular girl from high school isn't messaging you to apologize for making your teenage years a living hell. No, she's just trying to sell you some garbage that's guaranteed to make you look and feel better.
(100% risk-free money back guarantee, y'all!)
The whole inflation/deflation thing is just so not cool.
6. Being exhausted for no good reason. Except that these miniature versions of your husband are exhausting. Which is actually a pretty darn good reason to be exhausted.
7. The very real and crippling fear of that first postpartum poop.
8. Wanting to pee by yourself, but always finding yourself surrounded by a crowd of tiny humans.
9. The Mean Girls that grew up and became the Mean Moms.
10. Thinking you're showering by yourself, but there's always someone lurking just on the other side of the curtain.
11. The meticulous preparation required to plan a night out with your girl friends.
And all the alcohol you think you'll need, when in reality, the sobriety of pregnancy and childbirth ruined your tolerance anyway.
12. Mommy Brain.
13. Peeing when you sneeze.
Or cough. Or laugh. Or run, or jump.
Dads will never understand. And that's fine, because we understand. We all know the struggles, and we all share in the frustration/joy that is motherhood. Chin up, Mama. It's only an 18-year sentence!
**All GIFs courtesy of Giphy.