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Confession of a Mom from the Bathtub

Before I tell you about my attempt at a beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath, let me remind you that I am married, have 4 dogs, 5 kids (17, 15, 7, 6, & 3), and they were all home.

Well, that sounds like the end of the bath right there! But, I persisted!

I even followed the rules for moms to get a bath:

  1. All people in the house were fed.
  2. I had plenty of time to take a bath.
  3. I had given everyone ample attention.
  4. I had signed at least 30,000 things for school.
  5. (This one is most important.) I told my husband and children what I was doing and how long I would be.

So, here's how it went.

I went in to the bathroom, turned on the water, and dropped in the bathbomb I've been hoarding for 3 days. I finally got to go to the bathroom. Knock, Knock.  I think to myself, "Just answer; it'll be easier and faster than ignoring them..." Say out loud, "Yes?"

Child 1: "Hey mom?"

Me: "Yes?"

Child 1: "Can I go do ....." (Think to myself, "Why is it necessary to ask me this when I am in the bathroom when I was just sitting next to you not 2 minutes ago, and you were playing on your phone and ignoring my existence.")

Me: "Let's talk in a minute."

By now I have made it into the beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath. I sink. It's glorious.

Child 1: "Fine."

Disappearing footsteps...

My body begins to relax. I can feel some of the tension start to dissipate a little. I can feel "calm, normal, sane, not crazy" me begin to return.

Knock, Knock. "Mom?"

Me: "What?!" (Tone is definitely less nice.)

Child 4: "Mommy, can you sign this form for me for school?"

Me: "Ask your dad!"

Child 4: "Fine."

Disappearing footsteps...

I try to focus on the bath and calming down and not freaking out about my kids interrupting.

Knock, POUND, Knock. "Mom??"

Me: "What now?!?!"

Child 2: "Mom, I need to get ..." (Complicated and annoying money question)

Me: (through gritted teeth.) "This can wait until I get out of the bath!"

Child 2: "But, mom..."

Me: "NO! GO AWAY! I AM TAKING A CALMING FREAKING BATH!!"

Child 2: "Geez, sorry."

Disappearing footsteps...

Maybe 3 minutes pass...

Child 5: "MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!"

Me: "Yes, Georgia?"

Child 5: "Mommy, are drownsing in there??"

Me: "No. I'm getting out."

Child 5: "Will you read me a story?"

Me: "Fine."

Child 4: "Can I get in the bathtub???!!!!"

Me: (sigh) "Sure."

And this is how my middle child became my favorite child for the night...

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